Love Transcends All

As most people know, my dad died when I was 12, leaving a huge void in my life.  My memories are few, especially because for the last years of his life he worked the graveyard shift and slept during the day.  So of course pictures, holidays, and other special moments that I got to share with him are priceless.

Not that long ago I realized that in reality I didn't really know my dad.  My memories are fragments of a short life.  That said, I have tried to get to know who was Verman Taylor; or more specifically who was he to those he kept close to his heart.

My older siblings have sad stories to share since it was during their adolescence that my dad struggled with alcoholism, so their memories are also fragments.


I tried speaking with my uncle who was closest to my dad...not much luck there seeing that he prefaced our conversation saying that his "memory was failing [him]".

I've attempted to talk to my dad's best friend and very close friend of our family, but he is a man of few words, so I couldn't get anything really substantial out of him.

My last resort was my mom, the woman who stayed by his side throughout the good, the bad, and the hideously ugly times...a period of over 30 years.  I never wanted to ask her anything because she's known to have false/exaggerated memories, plus I figured she would be the most biased.  I guess if I were to be completely honest, I also avoided the topic with her because well I remember my parents always fighting and bickering to the point that I had already planned for the day they would announce a divorce and I would pick my dad to go live with.

But the news of my dad's death caused a lifelong chain of damaging effects on my mom.  In fact, that very same day we were given the bad news my mom got so sick we had to call the rescue on her.  They found her blood pressure was through the roof, but she refused to go the hospital.  Since then she's suffered chronic depression, type 2 diabetes that has advanced so much now that it has deeply affected her kidneys, blood pressure, circulation, and so much more.  She takes about 20 pills a day in addition to insulin shots twice a day, and is 
almost guaranteed a hospital stay 1-2 times year.  She's had congestive heart failure, borderline dialysis patient, and her sugar levels have dropped to the point of causing a delirious episode.  And please don't remind her of her wheelchair, she loathes it more than any of her other ailments.

So with all that baggage you can imagine my hesitation to talk about my dad with her.  We hardly speak of him at all, except of course when she uses the dad card to guilt-trip me into not doing something she disapproves of ("if your dad was alive, what do you think he'd think of you coming home at 3 am....he'd be so disappointed"....blah blah blah).

But this past Sunday, for a very brief moment, she let me in to her wealth of memories of life with Verman.  She was transported to another time, triggered by a song (by Camilo Sesto), and with a knot in her throat she shared:

"Me acorde de cuando Verman y yo cantabamos juntos. Esa era una de las canciones que me cantaba....'El amor de mi vida ha sido tu...El amor de mi vida sigue siendo tu'..."

And that small, short memory she shared has had an indelible impact on me.

I have often, or all my life, criticized my mom for choosing to live the life she did, putting up with a pretty horrible husband (I love my dad, but I wouldn't have put up with all of his crap like my mom did).  And I feel horrible admitting it, but I have even questioned how real the extent of her pain was at losing him,but please don't misunderstand.  Of  course I knew it would be devastating for her, but my mom wasn't just negatively affected by his passing, she basically stopped living, and I didn't understand it.

But Sunday she made it crystal clear.

My dad was truly "El amor de [su] vida" y cuando se fue la dejo sin amor, y quien quiere una vida sin amor?

I know exactly who my dad was.  He was the absolute best dad I could've had, he was the world to me, but he was more than that.  He was the heart and soul of my mom's life, and now I realize that he's also the bond between us.  I may always be at odds with my mom, but I love her, just as much as my dad did, and I am so happy my parents knew what they meant to each other and stayed together till death did them part.

>>>

Me, my mom, dad, and sis after one of our "music" sessions where my dad would play his guitar and/or harmonica and/or piano; my mom would sing; and me and my sis would dress up like rock stars (don't judge, it was the 80s and we didn't have that many clothes!) and either dance or sing along with my mom.  A favorite? La Cumparsita to which me and Jackie would bust out in our comical tango moves!  =) 

best memories ever.